Johnny Moped

Act One: Trying not to lose it

starring Johnny Moped, Captain Sensible and a voice in the crowd.

Scene: backstage after the Moped reunion gig.

SS: Was It All Worth It Then?

Johnny: Well, I thought I wasn't holding it together half way through, but I just managed to pull the audience back. For one awful moment I thought I was losing it, but I managed to get the punters back.

Sensible walks inwith 2 foot long cigar for for Johnny - I kid you not

Everyone: You're fuckng joking!

Capt: No, lets see if it will light up

Someone: Give it some suck Johnny!

Capt: It is a real cigar

Someone: That's the only time you'll see Captain getting someone to smoke.

SS: Has he given up?

Someone: World's worst ex-smoker.

Capt: Yeh, you've really arrived Johnny. You're in the big time now. Johnny Moped OBE.

Johnny: I'm enjoying the cigar, but not when I've got a mouthful of tobacco.

SS: What’s the story behind the album then?

Someone: Ah, that’s really Dave Berk you ought to ask.

Capt: Go and show your audience what it’s all about, why you’re a star and they’re not. Show 'em the cigar.

Johnny; This must be the biggest fucking cigar i’ve seen in my life.

SS; This must be the weirdest interview we’ve ever done too. I’ve never talked to anyone with a two foot cigar in their mouth before. How long have you been practising then?

Johnny; About a couple of weeks

SS: So who’s this Xerxes bloke?

Johnny; He was in the original band.

Smoke rings waft across the room, the door opens stage left.

Act Two: Catching up

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Johnny Moped

Act One: Trying not to lose it

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